the cryptic semaphore



April 27, 2003
SLIM JIM LETTER

April 27, 2003

ConAgra Foods, Inc.
Attn: Consumer Affairs
One ConAgra Drive
Omaha, NE 68102-5001

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in regards to a problem I’ve been having with one of your products. Over the past year or so, I have found myself becoming an avid fan of Slim Jims. Their combination of “extreme” meat flavor and “extreme” convenience makes them my #1 snacktime choice.

The only problem I have, however, is that contrary to your product’s name, I don’t seem to be slimming down at *all*. In fact, I’ve actually *gained* weight! What kind of weight control product makes you fatter than you already were? This is clearly an example of false advertising. The idea that Slim Jims have waistline-slimming properties is a complete and utter fiction! It would be a lot more accurate to call them Morbidly Obese Jims.

Anyway, just trying to call a spade a spade.


Best regards,

J. Niimi



April 25, 2003
Chin Up Chin Up: “Pillage the Village”

As in Greenwich Village or Ukranian Village. Any neighborhood that once was a suburb in the city’s sepia-toned infancy. Having made the quantum jump directly to ghetto, it's slowly becoming suburb once again in a sepia-toned rock fugue. It must be a ‘fugue’ if the song actually has cross-fades arranged into the performance and you don’t even notice it, don’t notice art. But then the vocals are also diffusing your attention with a gorgeous glossolalia – the singer’s conversation with himself in fragments that seamlessly overlap in stereo. He’s hearing this song on a CD-R after his band’s last practice, under brownstones and sodium streetlights, “drinking down walking streets” with a cheap Walkman and excellent headphones. Allen Ginsberg in a bad mood or Nelson Algren in a good one. He starts to take notes but the thoughts come so fast he forgets he’s not writing, not singing, not making a record. The chorus comes, more like a tendency underneath everything that emerges only when it's finally warranted, an awesome refrain: “And I can hear the sound of rents...” Which is the sound of no sound, a nighttime stroll down "oxygen streets" where silent conversation spills onto you in anhedonic arcs from the mute windowpanes of condominiums. Entire blocks wear their architecture like proud scars...The din of an airless rehearsal space gives way to the shuddering sound of the city exhaling... [www.chinupchinup.com]


April 21, 2003
REBECCA WEST, "THE DUTY OF HARSH CRITICISM" (The New Republic, June 1914)
[slightly edited by me]:

To-day in England we think as little of art as though we had been caught up from earth and set in some windy side street of the universe among the stars. Disgust at the daily deathbed which is Europe has made us hunger and thirst for the kindly ways of righteousness, and we want to save our souls. And the immediate result of this desire will probably be a devastating reaction towards conservatism of thought and intellectual stagnation. Not unnaturally we shall scuttle for safety towards militarism and orthodoxy. Life will be lived as it might be in some white village among English elms; while the boys are drilling on the green we shall look up at the church spire and take it as proven that it is pointing to God with final accuracy.

And so we might go on very placidly, just as we were doing three months ago, until the undrained marshes of human thought stirred again and emitted some other monstrous beast, ugly with primal slime and belligerent with obscene greeds. Decidedly we shall not be safe if we forget the things of the mind. Indeed, if we want to save our souls, the mind must lead a more athletic life than it has ever done before, and must more passionately than ever practise and rejoice in art. For only through art can we cultivate annoyance with inessentials, powerful and exasperated reactions against ugliness, a ravenous appetite for beauty; and these are the true guardians of the soul.

So it is the duty of writers to deliberate in this hour of enforced silence how they can make art a more effective and [less] obviously unnecessary thing than it has been of late years. A little grave reflection shows us that our first duty is to establish a new and abusive school of criticism. There is now no criticism in England. There is merely a chorus of weak cheers, a piping note of appreciation that is not stilled unless a book is suppressed by the police, a mild kindliness that neither heats to enthusiasm nor reverses to anger. We reviewers combine the gentleness of early Christians with a promiscuous polytheism; we reject not even the most barbarous or most fatuous gods. So great is our amiability that it might proceed from the weakness of malnutrition, were it not that it is almost impossible not to make a living as a journalist. Nor is it due to compulsion from above, for it is not worth an editor's while to veil the bright rage of an entertaining writer for the sake of publishers' advertisements. No economic force compels this vice of amiability. It springs from a faintness of the spirit, from a convention of pleasantness, which, when attacked for the monstrous things it permits to enter the mind of the world, excuses itself by protesting that it is a pity to waste fierceness on things that do not matter.

But they do matter. The mind can think of a hundred twisted traditions and ignorances that lie across the path of letters like a barbed wire entanglement and bar the mind from an important advance. For instance, there is the tradition of unreadability which the governing classes have imposed on the more learned departments of literature, such as biography and history. We must rebel against the formidable army of Englishmen who have achieved the difficult task of becoming men of letters without having written anything. They throw up platitudinous inaugural addresses like wormcasts, they edit the letters of the unprotected dead, and chew once more the more masticated portions of history; and every line they write perpetuates the pompous tradition of eighteenth century "book English" and dissociates more throughout the ideas of history and originality of thought. We must dispel this unlawful assembly of peers and privy councillors round the wellhead of scholarship with kindly but abusive, and, in cases of extreme academic refinement, coarse criticism.

That is one duty which lies before us. Others will be plain to any active mind; for instance, the settlement of our uncertainty as to what it is permissible to write about. One hoped, when all the literary world of London gave a dinner to M. Anatole France last year, that some writer would rise to his feet and say: "Ladies and gentlemen, we are here in honor of an author who has delighted us with a series of works which, had he been an Englishman, would have landed him in gaol for the term of his natural life." That would have shown that the fetters of the English artist are not light and may weigh down the gestures of genius. It is not liberty to describe love that he needs, for he has as much of that as any reasonable person could want, so much as the liberty to describe this and any other passion with laughter and irony.

This enfranchisement must be won partly by criticism. We must ridicule those writers who supply the wadding of the mattress of solemnity on which the British governing classes take their repose. We must overcome our natural reverence for Mrs. Humphry Ward, that grave lady who would have made so excellent a helpmate for Marcus Aurelius, and mock at her succession of rectory Cleopatras of unblemished character, womanly women who, without education and without the discipline of participation in public affairs, are yet capable of influencing politicians with wisdom. When Mr. A.C. Benson presents the world with the unprovoked exudations of his temperament, we may rejoice over the Hindu-like series of acquiescences which take the place of religion in donnish circles. The whole of modern England is busily unveiling itself to the satirist and giving him an opportunity to dispute the reverences and reticence it has ordained.

But there is a more serious duty than these before us, the duty of listening to our geniuses in a disrespectful manner. Criticism matters as it never did in the past, because of the present pride of great writers. They take all life as their province to-day. Formerly they sat in their studies, and thinking only of the emotional life of mankind--thinking therefore with comparative ease, of the color of life and not of its form--devised a score or so of stories before death came. Now, their pride telling them that if time would but stand still they could explain all life, they start on a breakneck journey across the world. They are tormented by the thought of time; they halt by no event, but look down upon it as they pass, cry out their impressions, and gallop on. Often it happens that because of their haste they receive a blurred impression or transmit it to their readers roughly and without precision. And just as it was the duty of the students of Kelvin the mathematician to correct his errors in arithmetic, so it is the duty of critics to rebuke these hastinesses of great writers, lest the blurred impressions weaken the surrounding mental fabric and their rough transmissions frustrate the mission of genius on earth.

[This] is what we must prevent. Now, when every day the souls of men go up from France like smoke, we feel that humanity is the flimsiest thing, easily divided into nothingness and rotting flesh. We must lash down humanity to the world with thongs of wisdom. We must give her an unsurprisable mind. And that will never be done while affairs of art and learning are decided without passion, and individual dulnesses are allowed to dim the brightness of the collective mind. We must weepingly leave the library if we are stupid, just as in the middle ages we left the home if we were lepers. If we can offer the mind of the world nothing else we can offer it our silence.

- - - - -

Another century, another war, and another medium (literature vs. music). I've broken my year-long taboo of not posting other-people's-writing because Rebecca West's argument is somehow more graceful and more mercilous than any I could muster when I think n' write about rock music. And sad. West's "abusive criticism" is now the status quo itself, replacing anything resembling the scholarship or reason with which she originally equated it (e.g. Pitchfork as an example of de rigueur rock criticism). Even the waterglassed braintrust at the Critical Inquiry forum a coupla weeks ago couldn't put the smashed shell of contemporary criticism back together again. Frederic Jameson's taut opening notes ought to have gotten someone's goat. Was it jet lag? Maybe it was rental car lag.

Culture is that which you can't escape. Criticism is womb-kicks. My! He'll be a football star someday. May he avoid sin, not to mention the flesh-bound tortures of 'metaphor.'

Well...

fuck YOU, Chollie

What do YOU think?




April 16, 2003
Here's the link to my City Pages piece on Fischerspooner.

And...Happy birthday, blog! My blog is one year old as of Monday.


REMOVED

April 02, 2003
Chicago Reader archive link for my article on The Tragically Hip...