![]() |
August 29, 2002
SWEETHEART, “Fall In Love With Everything”
(self-released CD, 1999) there is hope and reason in everything we do please remember this for now let’s take some time convince ourselves to fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything you know you could if you really wanted to it’s only good it’s only right to fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything you know you could if you really wanted to it’s only good it’s only right you know you could if you really wanted to it’s only good it’s only right for you to fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything you know you could if you really wanted to fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything it’s only good it’s only right for you to fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything fall in love with everything ~ Nobody likes to be told what to do. Let alone by a rock band. And certainly not by a fucking CD, an inert little artifact that requires a modest concert of time, motivation and electricity to enact. After all, you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself, kicking back on the La-Z-Boy with some tunes, and you’ve already PAID the band for this moment, in essence. It’s a done deal. Land sakes, these fuckers have your money and your attention – what more do they want? Well, now, maybe you DO want to be told what to do. But paying for a rock album with the hope that it will tell you what to do is like a sex deviant paying a mistress for “total domination.” You’ve fetishized your will, but it’s still YOUR will. The complication here is that this is all complete bullshit. ALL rock albums tell you what to do. Or they at least tell you that you need to do –something-, and leave it up to you to figure out what that something is. Sometimes all you need is a gentle nudge, or a giant shove that feels like a gentle nudge. I’m reaching for the nearest CD for a case in point… Bailter Space’s album ‘Robot World’ (Matador, 1993). There are entire pop genres in which the album cover serves the sole purpose of trying to convince you of the reality of the music inside (cf. any recent rap record picturing a guy holding a fistful of hundreds, looking hard yet casual, crowned by his moniker in that tawdry diamond-inset font). These albums have a lot in common graphically with a box of Kraft Macaroni N’ Cheese. But sometimes one realizes that the reverse has happened – that the music on the album has utterly convinced you of the image on the cover. It almost makes you drop the CD case on the floor, like it just shape-shifted into a poisonous asp. The more so when the image on the cover is as blurry and dislocating as the one on ‘Robot World’: a tourist snapshot from the point of view of a doomed atom whizzing through a particle accelerator. Bailter Space is huge. Their widowmaker move (i.e., their most gentle of shoves) is displayed in the song “Get Lost.” Across six minutes and two barely distinguishable chords, the only discernable lyric is the suggestive mantra “Let’s get lost.” At the moment that you feel like you’re beginning to entertain the notion, you realize that you’re already there: you’re lost, jack. You’ve forgotten what a minute means, let alone a chord. That sole lyric fragment is like the disembodied clock floating through the opening montage of The Twilight Zone, mocking your desire for measurement when there is no such thing as distance anymore, spatially or temporally: it’s all here right now. Sweetheart, on the other hand, are puny. I really wish I had some adjectives left to describe this small-sounding CD in expansive terms. Some keyboards, some guitars. A living-room logic to their arrangements. I’ll fully admit failure here. I’m just no good at this kind of thing. I guess they sound a bit like Romeo Void. The singer’s voice is so pure she forces you to find the cold little heart burning at the center of each song. I am compelled to play these songs over and over and over. The difference between Sweetheart’s full-throated synth sway and the plasmic bruise of a Bailter Space record is enormous. But I draw the comparison to point out one of the little structural capabilities of the musical-lyrical relation that makes me a rock fan: The words tell you what, then the music shows you how. No one really knows what a “love song” is. Love Song means indifferent music and wooden lyrics; an industrial term, like “microwavable frozen hand-held snack.” We stigmatize the phrase itself, because most love songs don’t express anything remotely resembling love in either the music or the lyrics. But a genuine love song doesn’t express love, it -demonstrates- love. Love songs in love with themselves. Bailter Space has written a couple of the greatest love songs of the 20th century. They are about as cuddly as a dumpster. Text in love with music, sound fused with and indivisible from words. The music can be swaddled or turbocharged. The lyrics can say whatever the fuck they think they’re saying. The two entities ignore the audience altogether and find one rudimentary phrase they can both understand. Now they’re speaking English. “Fall In Love With Everything” says that the singer is saying that When I fell in love with this song, I fell in love with myself. And now it’s your turn. I’m not the jealous type. “Get Lost” says that the singer is saying that When I got lost in this song, I found myself. You found me finding me, you’re halfway there already. You have electricity and money. You can jump in anytime. What are you REALLY looking for as you look for the next great rock moment? (The end of art.) At its apex, it brings the rest of reality up to its heights, at which point it becomes utterly obsolete. To paraphrase Douglas Adams, a universe slightly different replaces it almost simultaneously, so fast we don’t even notice. [You can contact Sweetheart at sweetheart_sf@hotmail.com.]
August 26, 2002
MY FRIEND MIKE O'FLAHERTY HAS THIS THEORY ABOUT HALL AND OATES
[Daryl and John enter the dressing room, soaked with sweat, and are handed towels by some feckless stagehands. The ambient roar of applause is heard in the background.] Hall: (in true Buddy Rich style) Everybody out! And shut that fuckin' door! Oates: (gamely) What's eating you, blue eyes? H: What's eating me? No time. No changes. And saxophones? You gotta be fucking kidding me! I could have an all-L.A. band out here TONIGHT. And don't think it's not possible - 'cause it's very fuckin' possible. O: Slow your roll there, Daryl. There will be nothing of the sort. H: (Incredulous) You talentless fuck! Parasite! I ought to fire your ass right now! I'm the songwriter here! AND the good-looking one! I'm -money-, baby! If you want a job, I think you'd better remember that you're my tambourine player, and that's even a stretch! O: (channeling Charlie Watts) Whoa - you're MY SINGER, Daryl! (throwing Daryl back against the deli tray, which collapses under his weight) I think I had better take this opportunity to remind you of a certain attache full of Polaroids that I think might pique the interest of your wife, not to mention the FBI... H: (picking olives and cheese cubes out of his hair) How DARE you! I've played with the greatest musicians in the world! O: Fine, but let's just remember who's got who by the nuts, here. And please, don't raise your voice at me. Think of your precious vocal chords. Or should I say MY vocal chords? - my golden key to the crapper. You said it earlier, Daryl - you're MONEY. And together, we're going to keep playing Ravinia until they have to wheel us out with oxygen tanks..."Oates and Hall"... H: (stammering and throwing his sweaty towel to the floor) You...you...COCKSUCKER! O: How about a refreshing nasal steam, my soulful friend? (picks a miniature pickle out of Daryl's hair and begins eating it, daintily)
August 16, 2002
McCarthy: I Am A Wallet
(Midnight Records, 1987) We hear plenty of conspiracy theory about right-wing cultural shills meant to entice Lefties over to their side. But what if the opposite existed? According to every post-Hegelian theorist, it must. A musical Trojan horse of a band with the nonsexual sensuality of the Smiths and the bittersweet jangle of R.E.M., who could inject a sublime political virus into its eagerly distracted listeners. A virus of contradiction; a head-on collision of phrases alternatingly placating and arresting. The earliest computer viruses operated on the same principle: simply give a machine two conflicting instructions, with equal truth weight, then kick back and watch the fireworks. It will blow a Hegelian gasket trying to reconcile them. I would give all of my heart to you if only I could If I had a heart to give I’d give it to you And I’d give no thought to her if only I could But I’d like something to eat And I’d like somewhere to sleep It breaks my heart but I’m afraid it’s true We’re all money’s fools It’s so bad but it’s the way of the world Look at that kindly old soul asleep in a ditch Is it a crime to be bad when it’s not worth being good? This is from McCarthy’s song “The Way of the World.” The album that this song is from, I Am A Wallet, vomits out the history of the pop lyric in one wrenching dry heave after another. The impulse to turn your head is natural, but you’d miss the bits of undigested history cooling on the sidewalk. The first lyric of the song sets you up for a Frankie Valli-style “you’re too good for me” rehash, a la ‘my heart is but a plaything to you.’ The second line makes you double back: “If I had a heart?” Maybe the history of the pop lyric is one of substituting the symbol of a heart for the lack of a real one. If this is the real ‘heart of rock n’ roll,’ maybe rock itself has no heart to give. The next line hammers in the hypocrisy. It pains my valentine heart that I can’t offer you this symbol of commitment because of my other real commitments (i.e., three hots and a cot). It’s the old joke: Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? A: Homeless. It’s sad that love is a commodity. It’s even sadder that the jilted fuck-buddy of the song will turn commodity into love, buying romance novels, crying, listening to Frankie Valli, who is always ready and willing to give his non-existent heart at a price more affordable than the cost of subsidizing a freeloading drummer boyfriend, even if he was real, for all intents and purposes. But sleeping on your couch, to him, is like the kindly old soul asleep in the ditch, as the lyrics reveal. He has no aspiration to be a Jack Kerouac, an angelheaded saint here to anoint you with his benevolent dick. He has found better accommodations. And is it such a crime to be bad, when it’s not worth being good? Wake up. Your only recourse is to use other people the way I used you. If McCarthy had written the screenplay for "Indecent Proposal," the entire script would have fit on one page.* What’s devastating about McCarthy is the tension between the acidic satire of their lyrics and their insinuating melodic foils. They provide an amazing rejoinder to the early-‘80s hardcore bands that immediately preceded them. These bands’ equally bold attempts at Swiftian social satire devolved into self-parody, weighed down by crude riffs and embarrassing jingoism that sunk them as soon as they left the harbor, cheap champagne still dripping from their prows. Hardcore sloppiness dissipated that element of -seduction- that is essential for true satire, like the hungover grind of a garbage truck scaring away seagulls from a dumpster. I mean, you’d have to be a terminal idiot not to find the phrase “Kill the Poor” at least sarcastic, in and of itself, if not satirical. But paired with a clumsy, ear-bending shitstorm of punk noise, you could EVEN be a terminal idiot and still “get it.” And when everyone “gets it,” it ain’t satire – it’s just clownishness. This is why the Dead Kennedys, while absolutely hilarious at times, were not successful satire. Hardcore bands like the DK’s operated under the assumption that their music had to be as ugly as what they were protesting against in order to compete with it. Naturally, this kind of clubfisted wankery would automatically cast any accompanying text into doubt, regardless of where the rhetoric was aligned. This is a good opportunity for me to lay it all out, formally, for the record: The Hierarchical Structure of Cultural Satire 1. The smart people get it instantly. The rest never get it, not because they’re too dumb, but because it was intended for smart people alone to begin with. No one ever even told them about it. 2. The smarties get it, as usual. The Great Unwashed (dry cleaning -isn’t- washing) don’t. They take it as a face-value reinforcement of their belief system (cf. “All In The Family,” or The Frogs’ It’s Only Right and Natural.) 3. The smarties get it, and so do the groundlings (who now own the Globe). Nothing happens. 4. The smart poor people are now becoming bored, and are boring the rest of us, in the way that they always get everything, and in the way that smart people are always so damn poor. But then. Idiot Nation cycles through the first 3 steps within the -same- piece of culture. Then, one by one, they realize that this piece of culture does NOT reinforce their belief system after all. They shit their pants. The smarties shit their pants, too, in amazement and joy. The Idiots get their pants dry-cleaned. The smarties send their shitted pants to the Village Voice. ~ *[McCarthy, “An Indecent Yet Modest Proposal That No One Has A Problem With. Do You? Maybe You’re Gay, Then.”] (Casino. Insane harmony of slot machines in the background.) Robert Redford: (large bulge in pants) “Your wife looks pretty good.” Woody Harrelson: “Thanks. She’s my most prized possession.” Demi Moore: (lovingly punching him in the stomach) “Our only remaining asset, you loafing pothead.” Woody: “Plus I love her like the dickens.” Redford: (tent rising in pants) “I’ll give you $10,000,000,000 to fuck her.” Woody: “I see your point. I dunno. What do you think, honey?” Redford: “…But you can still keep the whore, obviously.” (He hands Woody a free drink from a passing bar matron) “Tell you what – I’ll make it $1200.00. And that’s my final offer.” (cocks the brim of his cowboy hat) Demi: (looks puzzled for 2-3 seconds) “Sounds good to me.” Woody: “I get to keep her, right? I mean, we’re in love.” Redford: “We’re all in love.” [An Army cot is hastily dragged out by several bar matrons. They are of the ‘New Las Vegas’ and are wearing placards declaring “I AM NOT A WHORE” in Magic Marker. They’re all talking on cellphones, distracted. The pit boss stands slightly offstage, holding a bullwhip. Redford is already stark naked with a huge digitally-enhanced hard-on. He looks awful. A passing matron replaces his actual cowboy hat with a huge digitally-enhanced one.] Redford (fucking Demi and quoting Gang of Four): “The problem…of leisure…what to do…for pleasure…” [Woody is at the cashier’s window, getting an advance against Redford’s credit.] Woody: “I’m a millionaire, baby. Want to get high?” [Demi’s moans harmonize with the din from the slot machines.] You can watch the movie twice in the same amount of time it would take to listen to The Pop Group's "We Are All Prostitutes" 7”. Now that's modesty. As Steve Martin once put it: "I believe that love is the most beautiful thing that money can buy."
August 05, 2002
The Little Bar Band That Could
The Tragically Hip, In Violet Light (Zoe Records) The culture wars of the ‘80s are history. Cultural Cold War is in. One year after the attacks a lot of people are wondering again whether the American media are merely informing us of the decline of irony, or actually creating it. Or if there was ever a difference. Recent articles in the New York Times have sirened the increase of innocuous goofy-family TV programming in the wake of 9/11, as well as the rekindled debate in academia between postmodernists and their blustery critics. We groundlings are informed of a cultural retrenchment of sorts – it seems that ‘irony’ is a luxury of more prosperous times! Are you a terrorist or a consumer? You’re either with us or against us. If there’s a band that will weather the current cultural gales and render them moot, it’s the Tragically Hip. Turn off the damn TV and warm yourself in their bullish glow. The Hip’s new album, In Violet Light, and their recent show at House of Blues invoke Rainer Maria Rilke’s cautionary quip: “Do not let yourself be controlled by irony. If you feel yourself growing too familiar with it, turn to great and serious objects, in front of which it becomes small and helpless.” The Tragically Hip (or “the Hip,” as their fans refer to them) stake out the most dangerous terrain on any battlefield: the no-man’s land between the trenches. On one side, the embattled indie rockers, their supply lines of retail distributorship and peer-to-peer file trading slowly being choked off. The indie soldiers nourish themselves on boot soles and baby powder, and wait. On the other side, the fierce multinational war machine of commercial rock. The Hip could be the house band in that fabled South Pacific brothel, where both Allied and Axis soldiers are said to have checked their rifles at the door. Inside, their mutual thirsts (poker and Phillipine beer) would outweigh their ideological grudges for an evening of uneasy leisure. A frontline bar band would have to be amazingly adroit. The Hip’s music is indeed a precarious balance between arena rock and bedroom poetics. But they manage to pull it off through sheer hard work and dedication to their fan base (which in other bands is sometimes confused with a mere vague contempt for major labels.) The Hip are purely entertaining where other pop music attempts to be escapist. They are unapologetically poetic. They spew sincerity without a soundcheck, when other entertainers would have a crew assembling the safety net of irony hours beforehand in the same corporate-named arena in which they both perform. Really, why does ‘sincere’ music have to be painful to listen to? Is it a mark of authenticity that you can’t play Cat Power for your co-workers? Some time ago a friend of mine asked me what The Tragically Hip sound like. I think I said, flatteringly, “Kind of like if Elizabeth Bishop wrote lyrics for Bachman Turner Overdrive.” When I started thumbing through the CD booklet for In Violet Light, I almost laughed out loud, remembering my facetious description. The liner notes to this album specifically reference Raymond Carver, Robert Lowell, and John Gardner, among other poet-icons, in pointed footnote. The strongest song on the album, an ballsy ballad called “The Dire Wolf,” is “inspired by Wallace Stevens,” but makes me think more of Elizabeth Bishop writing the lyrics for “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” (another Great Lake shanty). Tugged along a sweetly lunar melodic arc, singer Gordon Downie waxes: Close to nowhere / and halfway across but never more here / expanse getting broader though bigger boats been / done by this water Well, I guess Canadians like to write about water. They’ve certainly got enough of it. Texas would have already seceded if it had half the water Quebec has. I remember hearing a vignette once on This American Life in which some Canadian guy mused that a big part of the Canadian consciousness, the part that differentiated it from the American psyche, is that the average Canadian knows he will never see every part of his country, that there are still to this day parts of Canada that have never even been photographed, much less settled. To Americans, this is truly an alien concept, though it’s something felt by most of the other colonies. It’s a theme that teases through all of the Tragically Hip’s songs. I got a sense of this idea while living in Australia - the way in which even city dwellers display a kind of deference I couldn’t understand as an Yank: a gesture, a sense of being nature’s guest, unwelcome, but still a guest. Aussie music is the same way, too - there’s always this ghost of a question: What can it mean to be a Terrarian when you’ve only set foot on 25% of Terra? This is why songs about nature are lucid dreams when dreamt by an Australian band like the Go-Betweens (pastoral remembrance in “Cattle and Cane”), or our Northern neighbors the Tragically Hip (the obscured, Ophelia-like baptism of “Membership”), but mere “imagery” when presented by Americans like R.E.M. (“Cuyahoga,” a song more industrial than littoral). Give these urban Canucks their due - Toronto’s a hell of a lot bigger than Athens, and closer to Lake Erie (as well as the rest of Terra). Yet the vastness of the Hip’s homeland echoes throughout their modest urban hymns, and provides the context for their musical globetrotting. There have been plenty of woodsmen and plenty of aesthetes. The silent few were both. Thoreau was even rarer – he had connections in the big city. So do the Hip. The truest diaries of frontier rejoin the soil shortly after their authors, unread. A few make it back to libraries in the capital and living room speakers everywhere else. Not to slander Georgia’s finest. These days, both Athens GA and Walden Pond are tourist attractions, replete with hippie-punk beggars. But we shouldn’t fault R.E.M. for inventing lame indie rock anymore than we should fault Thoreau for inventing the hippies. That’s an a posteriori judgment. The Velvet Underground may have launched a thousand bands, but it’s an unsung mark of genius to have inspired 50,000 poseurs for every genuine heir to the throne. Which R.E.M. did, and which The Tragically Hip are. The ripples that R.E.M. created were picked up by true aesthetes across the pond and across the border. Aesthetically speaking, the Hip are to millennial Canada what R.E.M. were to ‘80s America, and what Radiohead sort of is to the U.K., depending on the weather reports. These bands all have something in common: they helped reinvent the Anthem. Through perspiration and inspiration, they reclaimed the rock anthem from ‘70s dust-smokers and translated it to a savvy audience with a lot less time on its hands. This was no mean feat – look at the colossal steps these bands had to make in their respective countries to get there from previous Anthem Bands: Grand Funk Railroad --> Loverboy --> R.E.M. The Guess Who --> BTO --> Tragically Hip The Who --> Frankie Goes to Hollywood --> Radiohead These amazingly modern bands will all receive posthumous Nobel prizes for their quantum leaps in the field of the Humanities. These groups discovered the Pocket Anthem: a galvanizing little tune that lies somewhere between a mantra and a reveille for their lonely crowds. A national anthem for the expatriate. The quasi-title-track from the Hip’s last album, “My Music at Work” (from 1999’s Music @ Work), is a perfect example of the Pocket Anthem. The scene is the kitchen in back of Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks. This time, it’s a dishwasher’s thoughts arranged for BTO, massive barre chords threatening to crush either the thoughts themselves or just the misery caused by them, we’re not entirely sure. “Everything is bleak / it’s the middle of the night / you’re all alone and the dummies might be right / you feel like a jerk / my music at work / my music at work.” With dishpan hands, she sarcastically muses on the title of someone’s future dissertation about her life: “I call it ‘Olga Waits: / The Cloud That Entertains / the Dim Possibility of Showing Some Restraint.’” This is a song R.E.M. could have written in the Green era if they had only kept their politics personal and found some room in the practice space for poetics alongside the Marshall stacks. The lonely crowd at The Hip’s recent House of Blues show was a marvel. The band’s Pocket Anthems became real ones. It had honestly been a while since I had seen a sweaty audience sing along with their idols in such beer-soaked rapture. It was genuinely moving, and made me remember those wild Naked Raygun shows at the Cabaret Metro back in the day. This was a couple of years before Michael Stipe disambiguated himself and then people stopped singing along altogether. The gesture of enthusiasm that I’m accustomed to seeing at shows is what I call the Sublime Lunge: dudes nodding along to the music, and then, oomph, ducking and squinting to a particularly tasty slice of chords or something. By contrast, the audience at HOB was like a political rally in 1938 Berlin – an inscrutable combination of abandon and utter obedience. People weren’t just singing the lyrics, they were actually -fucking- the lyrics. It was shameless and pathological, the world’s largest public peepshow. Revelatory. Sometimes the craziest shows are the ones where the band sounds precisely the same as they do on record. It was a good pairing of band and venue. The Tragically Hip have been called “The World’s Greatest Bar Band.” It was a stroke of genius for them to do a tour of every city’s House of Blues, the Disneyland of bars, a lavish animatronic brothel. The World’s Greatest Bar Band should be nothing if not consistent. And WGBB really isn’t such a bad title to be stuck with (at least in comparison to other bogus rock titles like “Rock n’ roll’s poet laureate,” “The hardest-working band in Punk,” or whatever dumb-ass a deadline-pressed rock critic is liable to come up with). You may be a featherweight champ, but, hey, you’re still a champ, and that must mean something. The reference itself is telling: a bar is an intimate place, sometimes more intimate than our own living rooms. We don’t stand in line at 10 a.m. to buy tickets to see Bar Bands; we are taken by surprise when the beehive vibration of bar chatter is scattered to the four winds by some band whose name we never even catch. Some band that grabs our attention, relieves us from our beer-banter, disarms us with a drum beat beyond intellectualization and the sound of a shitty amp through a shittier p.a. The Hip channel this face-value experience. It’s an experience we crave, because most of our entertainment is proscribed. Hollywood makes sure we know the ending even before we consider buying a ticket. This is doubly important in this life during non-wartime: folks want relief from ambiguity, fast. At some point in the not-so-distant past, the Bar Band replaced Vaudeville in terms of no-refunds neighborhood entertainment. Notice how there has never been a good Hollywood movie about a bar band. It’s an aesthetic experience that’s hard to co-opt or ironize. Both institutions (the Bar Band and Vaudeville) have been around for a long-ass time, but the critical power of the phrase ‘bar band’ wasn’t invoked until it was adopted by progressive folks in the ‘80s in order to defend their embattled punk outposts. Yet the bar-band paradigm allowed punk its first guerilla contact, especially in England. Just look at Elvis Costello and the Attractions: pop band masquerading as punk band masquerading as bar band. Here in the U.S., we associate Bar Bands with good-timey beer commercials, consensual sex on a pool table to a rowdy Bob Seger soundtrack. In Canada, as much as we liken the country to Wisconsin Heights, being a bar band means encountering true Good-Ol’-Blues-Brothers-Boys-Band-type scenarios. Last year Bridget Cross, the bassist of ‘90s indie-rock stalwarts Unrest, was beaten up and jailed for five months up in the Great White North just for having a beer with her non-white boyfriend in a local tavern. This kind of thing isn’t even a factor for American bands who can make a respectable name for themselves just doing week-long tours of Ohio. Up North, the dues are a bit steeper. Now, am I to understand that I am supposed to feel superior to an indie-rock band that conquered the real wastelands? A band with the chemistry and modesty that enables them to play three chords where they might have played seven, comprised of the same five members still present and ready for duty after 18 years of parenting and taxes (even if they are a lot lower in Canada)? If so, then we’re actually allowing that glorious punk ethos to capsize completely, as these were the very standards upheld 25 years ago: brevity, camaraderie in drinking and art, one-for-all and all-for-the-song. ‘Entertainment’ in triple-quotes, if you must, or no quotes at all. Punk, after all, in its perennial claim as the raw essence of rock and roll, is really just a reassertion of Buddy Holly’s plaintive defense to a drooling producer. “But we arranged these songs so they sound good with just three people.” I remember a twinge of disappointment during the Tragically Hip show about their not utilizing the enormous stage at House of Blues for some serious rock heroics. Then I realized that the World’s Greatest Bar Band must view the stage as a Moonwalk that has no purchase. Their music remembers having played in bars the size of the stages that they currently inhabit. The neighborhood Arena is comfy, but a long way from home.
|