The Bivens Institute research department rarely contracts out. Usually, our competent and highly efficient staff is capable of handling even the most complex research and data-analysis tasks. In the following case, however, we found that our research needs had overwhelmed our processing capabilities. And so we turned to the justly renowned Volker Haarslev of the University of Hamburg, Germany. Herr Haarslev's assistance was required to answer two pressing questions.

The questions:

#1: "Is Floyd smart and happy?"

#2: "Does Linda like the things that Floyd likes?"

Herr Haarslev set to work, and in a matter of months had produced several pages of dense symbolic logic. While we have excerpted the key passages below, the full text can be read at: http://kogs-www.informatik.uni-hamburg.de/~haarslev/teaching/sose2001/part-7.pdf.

In Figure 1 (below), we see the cornerstone of Herr Haarslev's proof that Floyd is, indeed, smart (in German: schlau) and happy.

In Figure 2 (below) we see some more of the renowned Hamburger's logical prowess. Floyd and Linda, he shows, are furry (as are dogs). Suddenly, however, Herr Haarslev's calculations take a turn for the unexpected: If Floyd likes two things (x and y) then Linda only likes one of them (x). The Institute research team was flabbergasted. What is this mysterious thing liked by Floyd but not by Linda? Small pieces of bread? The brushing? Unfortunately, Herr Haarslev is a logician, and not a clairvoyant. It falls to the Institute research department to identify things x and y.

Thus, with the help of the logician from Hamburg, we have reached conclusions hitherto unattainable by Institute researchers: 1. Floyd is indeed smart and happy. 2. Floyd and Linda are, like dogs, furry. 3. Floyd and Linda both like "thing x". 4. Floyd likes "thing y." Yet with these answers come more questions: Is Floyd happier for liking "thing y?" If so, is this preference contingent on his cleverness? It seems that the first step in answering these questions is to gather the remaining data necessary to answer the question "is Linda smart and happy?" Once we know this, we can resume work on the mysterious "thing y." And perhaps we will have to call once again on our Hamburger helper. In the meantime, the Institute would like to express its profound gratitude to Herr Haarslev for his assistance in the resolution of these, the first of many pressing questions.